Introducing...

And now for something completely different.

I have decided to name my breasts.

This revelation came from being in the Philadelphia airport and having so many men blatantly stare at them that I thought--since they were so intriguing-- that they should have the ability to be introduced, thereby needing names. Hell, they both seem to have moods and personalities anyway, so what's the difference?

Instantly, I thought the one on my right should be Claire, for reasons still unknown to me (and Claire). She just seems like a Claire. Easy enough, but what about my left one? I thought it might be nice and ironic to name a breast after a man. After all, the left breast was the one that has always given me a little trouble. Moody and a little saggier than Claire. This was going to be tricky. So I turned to the person who knows them best (after me and perhaps a smattering of gynecologists)-- Seatmate. I explained the situation, and he was happy to help with the naming (he is a good man). He had some solid suggestions: Theodore and Francis to name a few, but they just didn't seem right. Then all of a sudden, he came up with the Father of All Male Breast Names-- BUSTER! I loved it immediately for the not-so-subtle use of the word "bust", but then Seatmate had an even better use of the name. Picture this: A lecherous man feels the need to visually size up my melons, and I walk right up to him and ask, "What are you looking at, Buster?" He stumbles back, stunned that a bubbly, smiley-type woman would approach him in such a threatening manner. But then I repeat, "Are you looking at Buster? Or Claire? Because personally I would be looking at Claire today because she is slightly perkier than Buster." Confused, he slinks away, swearing that he will now keep his eyes above the neck, where they belong.

So, here they are, Ladies and GentleLecherousMen:



Claire and Buster.

P.S. I hope the link works!